Many of us, particularly women in tech, were raised with the belief that if we quietly excel, consistently deliver, and surpass expectations, someone will eventually notice and reward our hard work. Researchers and career experts call this “The Tiara Syndrome.” We’re socialized into thinking someone will recognize our dedication and place that proverbial crown on our heads. Unfortunately, after navigating the tech industry and making it to executive levels, I’ve learned firsthand: this belief is not just misguided—it actively holds us back.
The Reality for Women in Tech: Hard Work is Essential but Insufficient
According to a comprehensive study by McKinsey & Company, women in technology often face higher standards and harsher judgments than their male colleagues. Specifically, women leaders must navigate expectations that are both gendered and biased:
- Too assertive? You’re labeled aggressive or difficult.
- Too quiet or accommodating? You’re perceived as lacking leadership qualities.
This creates a professional environment where women are continually navigating conflicting expectations. As detailed in research by the Center for Creative Leadership, women are often judged on their personality as much as their skills—a penalty men rarely experience.
Why Hard Work Alone Isn’t Enough
Numerous studies highlight the reality of career advancement, particularly for women in tech:
- According to McKinsey’s “Women in the Workplace” report, women in tech continue to be underrepresented at senior management levels despite equal—or even greater—competence compared to male colleagues.
- Harvard Business Review research confirms that women tend to be penalized when advocating for themselves, while men are praised for similar behaviors.
- Catalyst (2023) reports that women, particularly in technology roles, are less likely to have sponsors who advocate for their promotions, exacerbating the visibility gap and reinforcing the “Tiara Syndrome.”
These findings highlight a critical truth: “Hard work and competence alone rarely lead to advancement without strategic self-advocacy and visible support.”
Competence is Essential, but Visibility is Vital
Throughout my career journey, from navigating male-dominated tech spaces to leading as a CTO, I’ve witnessed countless talented women overlooked simply because they waited quietly for acknowledgment that never arrived. I learned that being great at your job is only half the equation.
The idea that merit alone determines success is a myth—one that has been disproven time and time again. Research consistently shows that women are judged by higher competence standards yet receive less recognition and fewer promotions than their male counterparts. A Harvard Business Review study found that women in leadership receive vague feedback focused on personality traits, while men receive actionable feedback tied to their business contributions.
In other words, simply “doing a great job” isn’t enough to advance. Women must navigate the unspoken rules of power, influence, and leadership visibility.
Here’s how you break free from the Tiara Syndrome:
1. Prioritize Strategic Visibility
Visibility isn’t vanity—it’s strategic career positioning. Research from Catalyst demonstrates women who actively communicate their achievements and skills are significantly more likely to achieve recognition and advancement.
Tip: Share your wins proactively. Participate in high-visibility projects, speak confidently about your achievements, and make your contributions known regularly.
2. Cultivate Relationships That Matter
Studies consistently show the critical role mentors and sponsors play in women’s career advancement. A study by LeanIn.org shows women with sponsors are far more likely to be promoted than those without.
- Mentors offer advice, but sponsors use their influence to advocate for your advancement actively.
Tip: Seek out sponsors who actively speak your name in rooms where decisions are made. These allies can significantly increase your visibility and help propel your career forward.
3. Reject the “Niceness Penalty”
Research by Catalyst found that women in leadership often face the “Niceness Penalty,” where being too kind equates to weakness, yet assertiveness is labeled as aggression.
Tip: Find your authentic balance between empathy and assertiveness. Effective leadership does not require sacrificing kindness—but neither does it mean sacrificing authority.
4. Self-Advocacy is Your Responsibility
According to studies from HBR, women who advocate for promotions, negotiate pay, and assert their value directly tend to advance faster. Waiting to be noticed is less effective than explicitly communicating your value. Remember, no one is coming to crown you. The biggest myth is that quiet excellence will always be rewarded. To truly break free from this belief, women in tech must deliberately build their visibility, leverage their networks, and confidently advocate for themselves and each other.
In my own journey, shifting from waiting for permission to actively advocating for myself transformed my career trajectory—and I promise it can do the same for you.
Tip: Clearly communicate your impact, highlight your unique skills, and confidently request opportunities aligned with your ambitions.
5. Advocate for Other Women
True leadership isn’t only measured by how far you’ve climbed, but by how many others you’ve brought with you. One of the most powerful ways women in tech can break the Tiara Syndrome is by becoming intentional advocates—not just allies, but active sponsors of other women’s careers. Research consistently shows that when women champion other women, everyone moves forward faster, dismantling biases and reshaping company culture from within.
When you’re at the table, mention the women who aren’t present. Highlight their achievements, openly endorse their ideas, and proactively recommend them for promotions and leadership opportunities. By doing this, you’re not only advocating for them but setting an example of collaborative leadership that can become contagious.
Tip:
Make it a personal commitment to regularly amplify the voices of women around you—on your team, across your network, or even on social media. Your voice has power—use it intentionally to open doors, spark opportunities, and break down barriers for others.
Remember: You Are Not “Too Much”
If you’ve ever been told you’re “too ambitious,” “too confident,” or simply “too much”—I want you to hear this loud and clear: You are exactly enough. The real issue isn’t you; it’s a workplace culture not accustomed to seeing women unapologetically claim their power.
No one is coming to place a crown on your head. It’s time to stop waiting quietly for recognition and boldly take your seat at the table. Your hard work deserves visibility, your voice demands attention, and your leadership should be valued.
Take up space, own your power, and never again doubt your worth. The future of work is counting on it—and so am I.
Have you ever struggled with “Tiara Syndrome”? Share your experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!
