My Quest to Remain Positive Through Infertility
For the past years, I have been working towards training my mind to see the good in every situation and remain positive no matter what… It has been challenging, I must say, but also very rewarding. I have faced many challenges and in the end, always know that I am a better person because of it. A few years ago, I decided that it was time to have kids and become a mother. I thought to myself “hey, you are getting old and time is ticking” which now makes me laugh when I think about it….This is another box society tries to push you into and I fell for it, I must admit. Anyways, not blaming anyone here, it was my decision.
My process was very different from what you probably hear. I had to consciously make a decision because I am Lesbian and the whole thing is more like a crazy expensive transaction that involved signing up for a website, creating a profile, and selecting the sperm donor we thought would meet our needs. I dare you to not laugh right now… Listen, I couldn’t believe it either, I had to look at baby pictures for hours and read profile information that shared their education level (I needed a Master’s…. minimum lmao); I had to read their medical history and their background details and then, in the end, pay for the number of vials we want and have it shipped to my doctor in NYC.
It all started great until failed attempts showed me that this was an impossible task. I did what felt like 100 IUIs (google it dam it), and 3 IVFs that ended in a few miscarriages and a broken heart. This process showed me that my thoughts were deciding how I was going to live my life and I refused to let that happened. I am happy I tried it and I am happy for the short happiness it brought the few months I was pregnant, but having or not having a kid does NOT define me and does NOT make me any less of a woman.
I realized that I had to be in charge of my thoughts and whenever a crazy thought came up, like a gatekeeper, I would stand at the door and ask “who the F*^ sent you”, “what is your goal”, and how are you contributing to my well-being”… the answer was always the same. It was garbage!
Happiness starts with YOU!
Happiness doesn’t come from money, I don’t magically comes from your job, and it definitely does not come out of your relationships (for God’s sake). Stop believing that crap right now. Being happy is a decision I make every single day when I wake up and set my intentions for that day and a lot of it involves cursing… sorry, not sorry. You don’t have to have what you want to be happy, you MUST want what you already have. That is the key. From now on, promise yourself to do the following:
- Smile every day and more at strangers you see on the street. It is a gift you are giving them.
- Make happiness a priority and be the gatekeeper, don’t let crap in
- Be grateful for everything you already have today
- Be impeccable with your words and say positive things only
- Find a hobby and do something that makes you happy and doesn’t involve others
When I am faced with a problem or a disagreement, I always ask myself “I wonder what lesson this is here to teach me”, and I am open to it. I am not angry when I argue; I express my opinion, I defend my point of view, but I am not angry. I try to remain open to listen and see if maybe I am wrong or I missed something. We often think we are having conversations with others, but all we do is plan our responses while the other person is speaking. Let’s try to be present and really listen to others; let’s base our responses in the information we hear not what we imagine. I believe in you!