Living life not worrying what others think of you is easier said than done. We live in a society of glamour, social media, and instant fame which is making us even more aware of other’s opinion of us based on the number of likes or comments we get on a picture or a web post. I don’t mean to say we shouldn’t care about other people, I want you to stop caring about what other people THINK of you. Your journey is unique and personal and by caring so much you start to give your powers away and diminish your own talents and confidence. Nobody wants to fail and nobody wants to make mistakes, but that is, at times, the bridge to our growth and the only way we can find growth and
When I started this blog, I decided that I wouldn’t come and write just because i wanted more followers. I only write when I feel that I have something to say that will contribute to your well being. I am not interested in your likes or if you agree with my message. It is perfectly fine if you don’t; in fact, I would encourage you to disagree and leave a comment because perhaps you can share a perspective I am not aware of and it can help me grow in some way. We cannot be afraid of disagreements, our opinions are ours to keep and not to enforce on others but to share and hope others are open to truly listening and understanding where we come from.
In the past year, I have seen how worrying about others was stealing my joy and decided to do something about it. I was taking things personally, self-censoring around my friends and colleagues, people pleasing to make sure I was always liked, and even addicted to the approval of others. It was taking a toll on me and leaving me empty inside. I am a caring person and it is not easy for me to just stop caring but I have incorporated new tools to seek healthier ways to connect with others.
To me, this is fundamentally a self-worth issue and us attributing it on anything or anyone outside of ourselves is a secured way to takes us down the wrong path. I am on a personal mission to make everyone fall in love with the person they are today and there is one tool that if you use it carefully, it will change your life in ways unimaginable. This tool is mindfulness. Yes, that’s it, simple huh? well, not so fast.
The Beauty of Mindfulness
Mindfulness is basically the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we are doing, and aware of our emotions and thoughts. The best part of mindfulness is that it is always available to us, we just chose to ignore it most of the time. The goal is to create more space between your thoughts while being aware that you are the one observing your thoughts, you are NOT your thoughts. I know it sounds a bit woo woo but
I have read more self-help books than I am willing to admit (a joke, not that I really care what you think of it lol) and everything comes down to us being present and mindful of only one thing: OUR THOUGHTS! Yeap, that’s it, I know you were expecting a huge list of things to do but NOPE. This is it and if you truly get this, you will see your life change instantly.
I started to question every thought that came up during the day and realized that a majority of them were not only untrue but pretty harmful. I then decided to replace each negative thought (only negative ones) with a realistic one that included compassion towards myself in it. For example, if the thought said “I am horrible at public speaking and this will not go well”, I would hear it and instead repeat to myself “I am nervous about this speech and it is perfectly normal. I will try to convert it into excitement and know that each practice is helping me be better, you got this girl…” I do this today whenever a negative thought comes up and it has changed the way I see myself and others.
People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.Abraham Hicks
Something else that I started doing was to take a notepad and divide a page into two columns writing a list of disempowering thoughts on the left side, with my new compassionate positive thoughts on the right side. I would go back and add items as they came up and I would read the right column at the end of each day before going to sleep. This practice has really changed my life and I am now even more aware and guarding my mind as a soldier. I will not let hurtful crap stay in
It may sound like a lot but it is not plus it is worth your sanity. After a few weeks of doing this, it is more natural for me to question my thoughts today and I receive comments and feedback with a brand new perspective. I have my days where a few words sneak in and bring me down but that is also part of the journey and compared to the past 40 years, I would say is a big win for me.
As always, I encourage you to give it a try and see if it helps you in any way. If you have additional tips or comments, feel free to share them below. And remember, you are smart, capable, and lovable even if others don’t agree with you or have a different opinion. That is all that is, their opinion and that should never change the way you feel about yourself.